The End


I will be removing and disabling this blog in the relative near future.  I started this blog to describe my journey after my wife passed away, the opportunity to start a new life seemed like an interesting thing to write about.

It has instead become a very hard transition in so many ways.  Numbing, soul-crushing…..and I feel that this blog is neither interesting nor useful.  And in many ways is just so much noise in an already cacaphonous world, my words no matter what I write meaningless.  

So this will be my last post, and I will remove the blog in a few weeks time.  For those who came to read, I appreciate your time and your friendship (if you are friends).  

God willing, things be good. 


About Alan Howard

Alan Howard is a 40 year old IT Operations Manager working in the greater Atlanta area.
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10 Responses to The End

  1. Saajida says:

    Ah, I’m so sorry to hear (that you’ve underestimated the power and meaning of your blog posts). But it is your blog and your choice. Thanks for sharing your stories. It’s been an awesome read and a part of me is disappointed… BUT I am not here to make you feel bad! Good luck to you and your decision. 🙂 And just because you’re no longer blogging doesn’t mean you should stop coming by… Feel free to visit!

  2. Anne E. says:

    I lost my only pregnancy last year at age 40. I am in a grieving process myself. I also tried to blog. I also felt as you feel, that perhaps that was not the place for it. It did feel forced to me as well. It did not help my healing, like I thought it might. Writing is cathartic, but it felt like a soul baring on a blog. For me there is life before and life after my loss. I do not care about the same things, I am not the same person. I also have to forge new beginnings in a different way. Grief may come to different people in different ways, it may come after short or long relationships, but it still reaches deep and usually is the cause of a rebirth. Thank you for your words..

    • Alan Howard says:

      Thank you for sharing Anne. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
      Yes there is a distinct difference between the time before loss and the time after.
      I wish you every happiness on your journey.

  3. Siobhan says:

    I’m sorry to hear that you won’t be around. I think it would be a mistake to force yourself to write just for the sake of it. I know I will give up blogging too if it ever starts to feel like work. But you sound a little like you’re giving up on life too.

    Meaning is one of those things we’ve been cursed with a hunger for, and in dark days it seems like it’s not worth living without it. But take your time and try not sink too far. If you come back in a week, a month or years from now, there will be people here who still want to hear your story.

    In the meantime, I hope you find plenty of other ways to keep yourself fulfilled.

    • Alan Howard says:

      Thanks Siobhan. I’m not giving up on life. Rather it is the disappointments of this life and events in it that have put me off writing here.
      I have weathered going back to work. I have weathered anniversaries and birthdays. But I am discovering that there are some challenges that are even more difficult then this. And it has caused me very real pain. Perhaps I will come back. But for now I need to heal new wounds and take stock.

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